Attack of the MarySues: A Parody
by Lily Kilara Silver
Summary: Getting tired of Mary-Sues?  Read a fic where you can actually make fun of them without offending the author and getting into large cyber fights in which you get cursed out!  moderate to extreme OOCness.  Rated T for violence in later chapters
1. Chapter 1

So here you have it. My first parody. For those of you who have never read any of my stories Jennifer is an OC from The Thief. Either read it or figure out who she is fast. She was added in to be a normal OC in a abnormal universe.

Nico:I better be in this one, Lily

Lily:I get to decide that, Nico. Now go clean my room.

Nico:Not again.

* * *

"Annabeth!" Chiron was calling for me. I sighed, it was my first summer since Percy came that I hadn't gotten a quest. Everything was going perfectly. Until this.

"Annabeth! You know you have to leave soon!" I heard Chiron call out.

"I'm coming!" I yelled back. I zipped my suitcase closed and slung my backpack over my shoulder. Everything was ready for the quest. Something I had been dreading since Chiron told me about it a week before. Jennifer had chosen me to go with her on her stupid quest. Of course, Percy couldn't come with us, not to an all girl's boarding school.

I sighed softly. Just me, Clarisse, and Jennifer, on a 6 hour flight to England. We couldn't even convince the gods to give us a shorter way. I walked out of the cabin towards Half-Blood Hill. Argus was in the van on the other side waiting for the three of us so he could drive us to the airport. Rachel, Percy, and the two girls stood at the top waiting for me.

"Hey," I said unenthusiastically.

"Hi," Rachel said brightly, "There's been a change of plans. I'm coming with you!"

Oh great, anything but that.

Argus picked up my suitcase and placed it in the van. I spotted three other suitcases in the back. Please gods, let this be some elaborate prank. Percy caught my wrist gently as the other three piled in the car. "Be careful out there Wisegirl," he said. "Don't let them drive you crazy."

"Whatever you say Seaweedbrain," I shot back. And the journey began.

Chiron told us a satyr at a nearby school had sensed a large amount of demigod energy coming from Saint Lucy's School for Girls. Apparently this particular satyr was dedicated enough to pose as a girl to find the source. That is one determined satyr. He claimed there were at least 15 demigods there. More than had gathered at any school since the reform school incident of '92.

From what the satyr said both me and Clarisse would be tortured at the preppy, super-girly, rich girl's school. Though oddly, the satyr didn't seem to mind dressing up in a pink uniform with a bow in his hair every day.

We stood at the gate to the school with our suitcases standing around us. It looked like something out of a fairytale. A sickeningly sweet, nothing bad happens, makes me scream "kill me now", fairytale. It had a sprawling lawn that seemed to say if you step on me you will die, and many flower gardens spaced around the buildings. They had a unicorn topiary. I heard Clarisse groan quietly next to me.

"I think I'm going to puke," she said under her breath.

"Worse than that," Jennifer muttered, "I'm going to kill myself by dinner time."

Only Rachel seemed comfortable in her surroundings. "Come on! I can't wait to check in. This is going to be awesome!" Even though I hated Rachel I knew even she wasn't that annoyingly perky.

"Have you fallen on your head recently?" I asked her. "Or possibly gotten hit on the head by an annoyed camper?"

She grinned, "You're so funny Annabeth. That's what I love about you!"

I tried to ignore her as we walked past the unicorn topiary and the numerous flowers.

The motto of the school was written above the front entrance. _Every day is wonderful. _It made me shudder. Of all the schools in the world we had to come to this one.

"Aren't we all having so much fun?" Rachel asked excitedly.

"Loads," Clarisse answered sarcastically.

"I know! It's great to be away from all those boys. Just us girls. We can do each other's nails, and brush hair, and makeovers…" I spaced out as new preppy-Rachel gushed about what we could do to make each other "absolutely and completely beautifulicous." No I'm not making up that word, she did.

The secretary stood up as we entered the front door. "Hello, you must be the new students. Will you please tell me your names before talking to the principal?" the secretary seemed nice, but I had a hard time liking anyone that wore that much pink. "Oh and you will need to change into your uniforms. If you had trouble getting them I have spares."

"It's okay we have them," Jennifer said nervously. "Where can we change? Ms. Um…" she glanced at the nameplate on the desk, "Shirley."

"That is the restroom," Ms. Shirley pointed to an unmarked door on the side of the room. "Please take your uniforms out here and leave your suitcases for the maid to bring to the dorms."

We had a maid? Well at least that was an upgrade from camp

Nothing else was weird until we went to get changed. We each took a different stall and slipped into our horrible pink uniforms. I guess they weren't that bad. They were the standard kilt-like skirt with a polo. What was bad was the color. Hot pink. My least favorite color.

I was first done and slipped out to look at the effect in the mirror. I looked okay, but a whole day of staring at that color was going to drive me crazy. Jennifer stepped out of her stall and we snickered at each other.

Rachel was next. She gushed about how awesome we looked and began applying make-up at the same time. Last was Clarisse. I expected her to come to the mirror and turn green. Instead she walked over and looked in the mirror…and squealed. That's right, Clarisse, mighty daughter of Ares, squealed. "I look so pretty!"

We should have run when we had the chance.

* * *

I can't come up with all these Mary-Sues on my own. Please send in applications for your Mary-Sue (you will get credit) or I will have to steal ones from other people.

Please apply as follows:

Name:

General description:

Extra-special-powers:

Relationships any PJO characters (don't have to make sense):


	2. Chapter 2:Like OMG! squeal

I finally got this out. Sorry for taking so long.

insert standard disclaimer here.

* * *

I went over all the weird things that had happened in the last week.

1. Rachel gets more annoying than usual.

I've never liked her but ever since she became the oracle I've held a grudging respect for her. Yes she's odd, but she isn't the kind of girl to start gushing over nail polish and lipstick colors. Plus, I know she was smarter before we left camp.

2. Clarisse changes into a girly girl.

Clarisse is the toughest, meanest, most physically fit girl I know. Now she is failing PE because she refuses to break a sweat for anything other than her precious cheer squad. All the meanness has gone out of her and I actually saw her skipping down the hall yesterday.

3. I get put in normal classes while Jennifer becomes the smartest girl in school.

Yeah Jennifer is smart, but she hates anything to do with school. She purposely failed every test Chiron made her take that were supposed to get her into a school. While it seems like every time I answer a question it's wrong.

4. The satyr.

His name is Andy. His first assignment was at a public school two blocks down the road. He felt the presence of several half bloods in St. Lucy's and decided to investigate. He was acting like a girl and changed his name to "Angelica". He was prancing around the school like he had been there his whole life.

5. The books.

All the girls at school were reading a new series called Percy Jackson and the Olympians. I didn't believe it until I saw it.

"OMG!" One girl squealed as I walked past. "The Last Olympian is finally out!"

"What's that?" I asked her.

She gave me a weird look. "It's the newest book in the Percy Jackson series. Even you should know that," she answered me. "Here," she said pushing a book into my hands, "This is the first one, The Lightning Thief, you should so read it."

I took the book and read it during lunch. It was our first summer, the year I met Percy, and it was from his point of view. Now that I was listening I heard squeals of, "I love Percy!" and, "Grover is sooo cute!" and of course, "I call Nico!" I was starting to freak out. Someone knew about our adventures. Someone was telling the world.

"Annabeth!" a voice knocked me out of my thoughts. "You need to get to sixth period now."

I looked up to see a girl I recognized from my sixth period English class. She was amazingly beautiful like most students, she had ember eyes, extremely red lips, and long, sparkly brown hair. "Thanks, um…" I trailed off, forgetting her name.

"I'm Joileneia Amberis Dionysusa Beautifulusa Marilynn Suiliene," she told me.

"I guess we should go then," I said, "Can I call you Joilen?"

"Sure, normally I prefer Mary Sue but that sounds good," she said happily.

Hmm…I'm sure I heard something about Mary Sue on the internet before. Maybe she won some amazing award. It seemed pretty common around here.

"I have a horribly tragic past," she told me.

Sounds cliché.

"My parents died when I was only two in a horrible fire," she confided.

Definitely cliché.

"I just trust you so much that I want to show you something," she told me. The girls at this school are horrible at keeping secrets.

She closed her eyes and rose several inches off the floor. I guess that's demi-god number one.

"Hi, Annabeth, I'm Kathlene Sarahbella Sparkly Liana Helias," said a blonde girl with violet eyes, "Call me Sparkly!". Lots of random girls began introducing themselves as soon as I began sitting next to Joilen. There were twenty-one girls that Joilen told me had "special powers". Looks like we underestimated the number of half-bloods.

Jennifer and I were arranging a mass transfer to Camp Half-blood. All the girls had the same profile, tragic past that left them orphaned, they were extremely beautiful (despite the interesting scars), many had eyes that changed color, about half were annoyingly nice and the other half were dark and brooding. Several believed they were mythical creatures. One claimed to be a vampire.

Joilen smiled at Sparkly, "Hey we're sneaking out on Friday, spread the word." After Sparkly left Joilen turned towards me and grinned, "What to come to the city with us on Friday? Wear anything but your uniform, we don't want to get caught again." With a flip of her hair she was gone before I answered.

I spotted Jennifer across the cafeteria and went to talk to her instead. As I got closer I noticed she was repeatedly banging her head against the wall as everyone pretended not to notice.

She turned towards me as I approached her, "I can't stand it! We have to go babysit them in the city on Friday now!"

"So you heard," I said.

"How could I not!" she sighed, "Chiron better hurry up with the transfer." She stormed away. This is going to be a long, long week.

"Die, Annabeth, die!" a girl holding a Percy Jackson book screamed.

I think I might.

* * *

Lily: Of course none of them can have Nico. I kidnapped him last spring.

Nico: Help me!

Lily: So...R&R?

Nico: They already read it so what's the point of the first R?

Lily: Shut up.

~LKS


End file.
